Rise of the OtherGod Apostle: Not a Cult Leader, but a Serf?!
#202
#202
[Inquiry Incomplete. Please specify your request. Your question requires three pieces of information:
- Which player(s) are flagged Game Over
- Which holy relic(s) they carry
- Where those relic(s) are
Widen your search and accept lower accuracy to lower the point cost.]
What a hassle.
So I had to phrase my questions carefully to save as many points as possible. The cheapest ones were simple “yes” or “no” questions, which meant I’d need to be smart about this.
Alright, let me sort through what I already know.
For starters, messaging an eliminated player got you no response. That’s a quick, free way to check if someone was eliminated.
“Pandomonium, name some players who’ve gotten a Game Over.”
“Uhh… that’s kinda tough? I don’t really know for sure.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Weren’t you in the player group chat?”
“Yeah, but most people went by aliases. The only one I’m 100% on is DicePlayGod. He definitely bit the dust. Dude played way too reckless.”
That makes sense.
I remembered that guy. DicePlayGod, true to his username, mained Dice God. He’d gone viral off clips of impossible luck, run after run of it, and the whole internet decided he was blessed. The Lucky Guy. Then he posted his playtime, ten thousand hours and more, which killed the “lucky” angle and got him relabeled as a lunatic who just kept trying until something finally worked.
Though personally, I think Dice God should be called the god of gambling.
The God of Dice loves when you bet your fate on terrible odds. The slimmer your chance of winning, the richer the reward. And to keep you honest, your save file gets deleted the instant you roll, so there’s no cheesing it by peeking at the outcome and reloading to an earlier save.
Basically, it’s an Othergod you can only play by throwing yourself at the mercy of luck and running a brainless “pray and hope” strategy.
…Honestly, Dice God and I aren’t on good terms.
To be precise, the Dice God blacklisted me. Unilaterally.
And what did I do to deserve that? Borrowed a idea from financial derivatives, set up situations where I profited whether the roll went my way or not, and then rolled at zero risk while the wins piled up.
Next thing I know, the petty god sets me on fire, drops a meteor on my head, bellows “You shall never roll the dice again!”—and brands me with an account-bound Trait called ‘Dice Ban.’ The sort that gets slapped on automatically the second I pick the Dice God to play.
And the Trait is painfully literal: it makes rolling dice impossible. Since rolling is the only way to earn Faith Points, that means playing the Dice God is flat-out impossible.
Since when is it okay for a game I paid good money for to just block off an entire chunk of its content?
I was never a fan of the brainless pray-and-hope meta anyway, so losing access didn’t sting much. It was the nerve of it that got me.
And given that the War God’s Helper remembered me, odds are the Dice God hasn’t forgotten me either…
But what’s a bastard who lost their own player going to do to me?
The body I’m wearing right now isn’t my main account, so the “Dice Ban” Trait isn’t even in effect. Throw the dice and they’ll land one way or the other. And if the god decides to make a fuss, I’ll just ignore it.
“Anyone else?”
“ContagiousBullshit mentioned Big Bro Leek Cutter died too, but I never had any dealings with him myself, so don’t quote me on it.”
“ContagiousBullshit? That Plague God player? He’s still alive?”
2T/N: (×_×) Sigh, this one gave me a hard time. It’s another name pun: 염병/염병첨병, basically “plague upon plague.” 염병 means plague but is also doubles as a curse word. English doesn’t quite have a way to carry both meanings at once, so I went with “Contagious Bullshit” to capture the spreading-disease aspect and the “fucking nonsense” energy.“Couldn’t tell you what he’s been doing since Insanity freaked him out and he went dark, but he’s alive all right. Try typing his username and it just says he’s blocked you.”
Commercial-Grade Leek Cutter must’ve been chosen by ‘Flowing Gold’—the Othergod most people just call the Money God. The Money God, true to the name, presides over gold and money. Turning evil capitalism loose on the faith-drenched Dark Realm makes for surprisingly fun gameplay.
Either way, the Money God’s holy relic is no use to me here, so I’ll pass on it.
I wrote my question on the Ouija board.
[Location of the Dice God’s holy relic]
I narrowed the search to inside the Cathedral, margin of error under five meters. That single query ate half the points accumulated on the board.
[Answer: Upper left of the Audience Chamber entrance]
The Audience Chamber?
That’s right by the Hall of Apostles.
Which means Nyapoleon is probably somewhere close by…
…If we cross paths, killing him is the only option.
Mother God is at her weakest right now, in the early game. As an enemy, backing off just because it’s dangerous would only give her faction the time it needs to harvest biometric data and grow stronger.
Which means if I can’t win now, I never will.
The only path to victory is destroying every last piece of data she’s amassed.
I turned to Pandomonium, who was rummaging through relics for anything that could pass as a weapon.
“We’re going to the Apostle Hall.”
“…What’s the plan? What should I know going in? Whatever you say, I’ll follow. No questions .”
“We find Nyapoleon. We kill him. Done.”
“That’s it?”
“The plan is that I’m trusting you, Pandomonium.”
“…Hyung.”
And if that trust turns out to be misplaced, then I die. And if I die, I just pivot to a new career as Mother God’s Cult Leader. Simple as that.
***
Thankfully, no fight broke out the moment we stepped into the Apostle Hall.
“…Looks like he’s already gone.”
Of all the people we saved, only Casimir was missing. Grabbing a single person out of everyone Mother Goose had swallowed… clearly Nyapoleon’s side wasn’t exactly working with much breathing room either.
Casimir…
Even if I ran Nyapoleon down this very second and gutted him, Casimir was probably already beyond saving. Burning him at the stake before he racks up any more sins is probably the best thing for the Order to do.
…Elamin’s going to faint when he finds out.
If they held a funeral for Casimir, would the news find its way to Sir Antonio too?
I was mid-worry when a hollow little laugh escaped me. Once the world returned back to normal speed, there’d be no place left for me in the Cathedral regardless.
Sir Antonio, that young serf you doted on has become quite the heretic.
And your stepdaughter, apparently, is scheduled to be crunched and munched by a heretic and rise again as one herself.
That astrolabe you gave me? Lost it.
I hope the Cathedral stays busy enough, forever, and that no one spares a thought for some banished ex-cardinal tucked away in a remote village.
So that not a word of any of this ever finds you.
…I never should have played this garbage game.
Bang, bang.
Bang, bang-bang.
“What are you doing?”
“Breaking things to see if anything’s stashed inside them.”
“…You do realize this is the Apostle Hall.”
“So?”
As if to say what’s your point, Pandomonium carried on smashing the sculptures and ornaments
I opened my mouth, realized I had nothing to say, and shut it again.
“Some relics trigger when they’re struck, so watch yourself.”
The one the Saint handed me ran on exactly that principle.
My hand drifted to my chest on its own, finding nothing but empty space.
…Only yesterday, snatching up that relic was my first move the instant danger showed up.
Overnight, so much had changed. I’d probably go on grasping at things that weren’t there for a good while yet.
Hold on.
“…The reliquary Athanas gave me.”
Pandomonium twitched and froze up.
“The reliquary Athanas gave me is missing.”
“……”
“Pandomonium. What did you do with my reliquary?”
“D-do you have any proof it was me?”
Is this guy an idiot?
“…No, I was just wondering. I wasn’t about to keep carrying around something that can be tracked by location anyway.”
“Even if you say that, I’m still not telling you where it is.”
“Honestly, where it’s at is obvious anyway. You just dumped it somewhere in the Main Building’s basement, didn’t you?”
Pandomonium wore the expression of a man who’d been shot clean through the bullseye.
I’d expected to feel irritated, but felt nothing.
“I’m not going after it, so you can relax.”
Retrieving it now had never been the plan. A heretic strolling around with a trackable item… that really would be madness. The Saint’s relic and Valentine’s reliquary alike were things I had to leave behind.
Come to think of it, where did I lose the Saint’s relic?
I dug through my memory and turned up nothing. And I couldn’t shake the feeling there was something else I’d left behind, too…
If I can’t remember, it probably wasn’t important.
“…Found it.”
Breaking open a stretch of wall that was slightly more rough than the rest revealed a single die tucked inside.
If the Saint had gone to the trouble of sealing it away like this, he must have judged the die to be dangerous, right?
Just how powerful an Authority did it hold?
My heart started beating a little faster.
[True Random Number Generator]
[This die is completely random.]
“……?”
Don’t tell me that’s the entire description?
Can’t be, I thought, and gave it an experimental nibble.
[Die-n’t hurt me!]
“…Hey.”
[HYAAAGH! Sorrysorrysorry! I’m just a talking die! Nothing suspicious about me, nope, not a thing! I have never, ever in my life rigged so much as one probability, I swear it!]
“You’re the Dice God’s Helper, aren’t you?”
[Yes? Eh? Wha—? You’re a player?! Hold on, hold on! Where’s your Helper?! Oh no. Oh no no no. Don’t tell me…]
Don’t tell you what?
[You’ve got no Helper! I’ve got no player! If that isn’t destiny, what is?! Come now, won’t you entrust your faith to the glorious God of Dice?!]
“No thanks.”
[I see! No interest, no pressure! Say no more! But the offer stands, so please let me know anytime the very second you reconsider!]
…Why is this thing so polite?
“What kind of power can I use with this die?”
[I am a six-sided die. Roll me, and I yield a number from 1 to 6.]
“…That’s just being a die.”
[Just so. I am a die. A meaningless, powerless die that cannot even stir on its own until some hand deigns to roll it. Powerless to grant its master fortune, powerless to ward off misfortune…]
Did losing its player do something to it?
“Huh. In that case, if you’re useless, I may as well grind you down into points.”
[H-hold on, hold on! There exists an amazing advantage that belongs to me and me alone! Permit me to unveil it this very moment!]
“What.”
[I can talk! My goodness, incredible! Astounding, is it not?! A die with a voice! Before you so much as step over to check my top face, I can announce the result for you! Wow! Behold! The height of convenience!]
“Don’t need it.”
[A-and furthermore! I! Am the guarantor of perfect randomness! Not one die in all the world can boast the same! However cunning the gambler, however immaculate the flick of the wrist that casts me, the number they covet shall never, ever surface! For I dwell beyond the reach of physical law. Cast me as tenderly as you wish. The moment I depart your palm, the result is rendered by true randomness alone!]
To test whether that claim held up, I let the die fall as gently as I possibly could, the 6 turned upward. It struck the floor, tumbled in a way no honest die ought to, and came to rest on 3.
I repeated it again, and this time it showed 2.
[Well?! What say you to that?!]
“…And this accomplishes what, exactly?”
[Even under perfectly identical conditions, the outcome differs every single time!]
“Right. I’m asking what the point is.”
[One lives but once! No moment is ever repeated. To predict me is utterly, hopelessly beyond mortal reach. I am the flawless bane of all prophecy!]
“Far as I know, prophecy doesn’t so much as exist in the Dark Realm.”
[Precisely as I have been proclaiming! I am a meaningless, powerless, wholly worthless die! Hahaha!]
Maybe I really should just grind this thing down after all.