Rise of the OtherGod Apostle: Not a Cult Leader, but a Serf?!

#103Reader Mode

T/N: Translation correction Target for disposal —->Target for processing.

#103

He doesn’t realize how close he came to being in danger, since he doesn’t remember what happened…

“…I don’t want to talk about this right now,” I said, getting up from my seat with a heavy heart. “The important thing is that you’re awake and safe now, Athanas. Go get the Blessing of Healing. Your eyes are all bloodshot. I need to be alone with my thoughts for a bit.”

Athanas wanted to know where I was going, but I just muttered something vague about heading to my room before practically bolting out of the prayer room. I couldn’t stand being in there for even a second longer.

This is driving me crazy.

I’d thought I’d feel relief when Athanas woke up, but all I felt was a gnawing anxiety.

What if Oblivion was still eavesdropping on us?

The nagging feeling that I needed to watch what I said around Athanas wouldn’t leave me alone. Did Oblivion only tune in when its name was spoken, or were there other trigger words that grabbed its attention?

What if our investigation set off its “target for processing” protocol?

…Maybe I’m just being irrationally paranoid, letting my fears spiral out of control for no reason.

As long as we didn’t say Oblivion’s name point-blank, maybe it wouldn’t even bother with us. It was probably too preoccupied to care about anyone not marked for ‘processing.’

But I can’t know that for sure.

Just thinking about testing a god to see if it was listening made my insides churn. Was I brave enough to risk it? To dare to test a god?

What if that brings Oblivion down on us again?

I stopped in my tracks, a wave of nausea making me dry-heave. My mind was spinning in circles.

But if I don’t try, I’ll never know for certain.

Unless I abandoned the investigation into the Distorted One and cut Athanas out of my life completely, I knew eventually I’d have to “test” Oblivion.

The mere thought of facing that entity again…

…Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead and spare myself the grief?

All of a sudden, I was second-guessing everything.

What was the point of all this anyway?

Was it actually worth it to dig up information about the Othergods and the players?

Or to expose the Order’s hidden skeletons?

Wouldn’t staying blissfully ignorant have been the easier path?

After all, ignorance keeps you safe and sane…

That was the number one survival rule in the Dark Realm.

If I had just minded my own business, none of this would’ve happened. Regret gnawed at my insides.

Why did I even want to escape ignorance in the first place?

Why did I team up with Athanas?

What set me on this trajectory?

…It all started with a question that wouldn’t leave me alone: why weren’t the Apostles doing anything?

The Saint had no idea what Players were, and at that point, I started to think the Order might be truly clueless and incompetent.

So, I decided to find the Players myself.

I had hoped that those who had converted before me might have some information.

I planned to ask them if they knew what the Order was really up to…

…If rogue Players were manipulating an oblivious Order, I thought I should expose the truth.

Looking back, I can’t believe how ridiculously naive and stupid I was.

Every single part of my logic was flawed, starting with my most basic assumption.

The Order hasn’t been twiddling their thumbs this whole time, I realized, mentally kicking myself.

Why else would Oblivion be working overtime?

If there was nothing to record, there’d be no need to erase anything.

The full impact of the God of Record’s words finally sank in: ’Order erasing evidence is evidence.’

The fact that Oblivion was relentlessly patrolling was undeniable proof that the Order was covering something up.

Processing targets… Oblivion’s phrase echoed in my mind.

But what exactly was being “processed”? That was the big question.

Chances were, anything “processed” had been wiped clean from everyone’s memory.

…This would be the ultimate garbage plot twist in the worst mystery novel of all time.

How to pull off the perfect crime!

Just tamper with the memories of every witness, and nobody would even know a crime happened!

Damn it.

I had been deluding myself about the Order all along.

There was no benevolent Order, accepting of even heretic bastards like me.

There was no Order dumbed down by debuffs to balance the game’s difficulty.

Just a power-tripping lunatic more Othergod-like than the Othergods themselves.

It was like realizing the ship I thought was my salvation was actually a giant coffin, ferrying me straight to my doom…

…Does it even make sense to keep working with Athanas at this point?

I’d confirmed the Order wasn’t just sitting on their hands. Shouldn’t I be steering clear of meddling with them, instead of having the audacity to question the Lord’s will?

“Athanas…”

Just the thought of him made my heart feel like it was being squeezed.

If it weren’t for the holy relic, everything could have gone horribly wrong. Oblivion wouldn’t have backed down so easily. It would have kept probing, relentlessly trying to uncover whatever was blocking its intrusion. And Athanas… his body would have continued to deteriorate under the strain.

…My carelessness nearly got him killed.

Athanas isn’t really strong. Even if he becomes the legendary “Heretic Slayer”, he’ll always be seen as weak.

Because in the face of a god, he’s just a mere human—insignificant, breakable, and all too mortal…

How many times did Athanas die in the game?

Countless. Every boss he faced was a grueling challenge. While the game’s difficulty kept things fun, it also meant Athanas was constantly pushed to his limits, fighting for survival at every turn.

Athanas might have saved the world in the end, but it wasn’t due to raw power or sheer luck. No, it was thanks to the gamer’s ability to “reload” after each death, erasing those failures as if they never happened.

But in the real world, there are no reloads, no second chances.

One misstep, one error in judgment, and the living, breathing Athanas could be snuffed out for good. In the blink of an eye, it would all be over.

Athanas, dead at only 20 years old…

No. It would be a miracle if there was even a tombstone left to mark his existence.

What if the Order decides to erase Athanas from existence?

There wouldn’t be a single shred of proof that he ever lived. To erase someone so thoroughly, so completely…

As a mere mortal, you’re powerless against the will of a god.

I’m no exception. I’m just a pawn, a foreign trinket “collected” by a god on a whim. To beings that can effortlessly traverse worlds, humans are nothing more than playthings.

If you plucked an ant from its park and dropped it hundreds of kilometers away, that ant would never find its way back home. It would be lost forever, adrift in a strange new world.

I’m no different from that ant.

I gazed up at the sky, still a bright blue at midday, with no stars in sight.

The title “Watched One” suddenly felt repulsive. Are the Othergods watching us even now, peering down at this land, amused by the antics of the players they’ve scooped up from other worlds?

Rather than live as a source of entertainment…

…Should I just kill myself?

Before I’m forced to witness something even more horrific.

While I still have the freedom to choose my own death…

…What the hell am I thinking?

I snapped out of my dark thoughts, shaken, as if someone had doused me with a bucket of ice water.

For a moment, I stepped back from my emotions, observing my thoughts as if reading the diary of a stranger.

Holy shit, is this what failing a SAN check feels like?

In Heretic Slayer, when a unit with low faith witnesses an event that exceeds their mental capacity, they fall into a state of “mental meltdown.” Units with this trait, commonly known as “mental breakdown,” have a high chance of attempting suicide.

On the other hand, if a unit has high faith, it leads to intensified insanity instead of a breakdown.

Well, I clearly didn’t have any faith to speak of, so I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

I checked my status window, half-expecting to see a flashing red “MENTAL MELTDOWN IMMINENT” warning, but there was no mention of any mental health traits. Regardless, even if I wasn’t officially experiencing a mental meltdown according to the game’s mechanics, I was definitely teetering on the edge of a full-blown nervous breakdown.

I almost f*cked up and made a huge mistake.

Oblivion is terrifying, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a dire enough situation to warrant such extreme actions. Besides, it didn’t even seem hostile towards me, and it explicitly stated that I wasn’t a target for processing before moving on.

So, I should be able to just live quietly and be grateful to have survived, right? But why am I still…

…It’s probably because my mental strength stat is pathetic.

I’m just glad I snapped out of those crazy impulses before doing something incredibly stupid. It must have been my brain’s defense mechanism kicking in, temporarily numbing my fear to keep me from shutting down completely.

After all, being paralyzed by fear isn’t exactly conducive to survival. That’s why our brains have a way of switching off our emotions in extreme situations, making us feel calm and detached, as if everything is happening to someone else, someone far away.

I guess I should quit after all.

I’ll tell Athanas the next time I see him.

That I can’t work together with him anymore.

That I’m just going to trust that the Lord has a grand plan and try to live with it…

…Athanas will understand, right?

I skipped lunch, not feeling like eating at all. Even when I went to do some volunteer work at the orphanage, the staff took one look at me and told me I looked unwell, insisting that I take the day off to rest.

I don’t really want to be alone in my room, though…

I tried to assure the priest that I just needed a little break, but then Andrea, who was passing by, called out to me.

“Fabio, I need to discuss something with you. Let’s go to my office.”

…What could he possibly want to discuss with me?

As soon as I followed him into the office, Andrea locked the door behind us. For a moment, a spike of anxiety shot through me, and I wondered if I was in trouble. But then he spoke, his expression filled with concern.

“Has Athanas threatened you?“

“Pardon?” I replied, taken aback.

Athanas? Where did that come from?

Actually, it’s not entirely out of the blue.

In Andrea’s eyes, I was a courageous young man who had put his life on the line to take down the villainous Athanas. One look at my pale, shaken appearance, and of course he assumed Athanas had done something awful to me.

“If you need any help, just say the word. I’ll do whatever I can to support you.”

As he spoke, the creature poked its head out of Andrea’s sleeve, fixing me with its unblinking stare.

…It’s funny, but after facing Oblivion, even this creature from the Distorted One seems like a harmless fairy in comparison.

It occurred to me that if I was going to cut ties with Athanas, I needed to fill Andrea in on the situation too.

I’ll just tell him I’m too damn exhausted to deal with this shit anymore.

Taking a deep breath, I approached Andrea. “Bishop, I have something to confess. I’ve been trying to hide it because I didn’t want to disappoint you, but I don’t think I can keep going. I’m at my limit.”

Bowing my head, I let my voice shake, raw with emotion. “I’m not strong enough, Bishop. When I come face to face with evil, I don’t feel courageous… I’m overwhelmed by fear. It consumes me, paralyzes me. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going.”

“Fabio…”

“I’m terrified that if I give in to my fear, I might end up betraying you. I’d rather take my own life than let that happen, but if Athanas doesn’t even give me the opportunity to resist…”

“Fabio! When did I ever ask you to push yourself to such extremes? I allowed you to help because you said it would aid you in conquering your fear. If you’ve been pushing yourself beyond your limits, it’s only natural that you should stop. Didn’t I make myself clear? I didn’t save you just to watch you throw your life away so recklessly.”

“Bishop…”

“Stop this self-destructive behavior this instant! I will help you,” Andrea declared, his tone leaving no room for argument.

I pretended to be overcome with emotion, dabbing at my eyes with a few well-timed fake tears. But then his words fully sank in.

Wait… help me?

With what?

Breaking up with Athanas?

My curiosity got the better of me, and I couldn’t help but ask, “What exactly do you mean by helping me, Bishop?”

“I can help you vanish from here without a trace. I’ll erase every last sign of you so that no one will ever find you.”

…Uh, he’s not planning to bury me alive, right?

A cold sweat broke out on my forehead. Struggling to keep my voice steady, I managed to ask, “W-where would I go?”

“I know of a secluded village, quiet and peaceful. It’s similar to where you used to live.”

I let out a silent sigh of relief, my tense muscles uncoiling. Thank goodness, it wasn’t some creepy underground dungeon where I’d be lost forever.

A quiet and secluded village….

Suddenly, I missed Antonio.

Looking back, those days at the frontier village were truly carefree. The food might have been terrible, but at least my heart was at peace…

“Fabio, you can go there and pursue your passions,” Andrea said, his words painting a vivid, enticing picture. The more he talked, the more tempting the offer sounded.

But as a ‘Watched One’, not just any average reader, and someone who had received a holy relic directly from the Saint himself, the idea of slipping away from the Cathedral unnoticed seemed next to impossible.

I appreciated the thought, but I could only accept his offer in spirit…

Andrea must have sensed my hesitation. “You won’t have to worry about your safety there. The Lord’s messenger personally protects that place.”

His words made me freeze, my heart skipping a beat.

…Who did he say is protecting it?

The Lord’s messenger?

As in, that snake-like purple creature?

Wait, is this secluded village actually a secret religious community devoted to the Distorted One?

That’s the kind of place you can enter, but never leave…

“Bishop Andrea, I’m truly grateful for the offer, but…” I began, scrambling for a way to politely decline.

But Andrea was already clutching my hands, his eyes shining with an unsettling sincerity. “Fabio, you’re a precious gem, but far too fragile. A delicate gem doesn’t become polished and refined by enduring countless hardships… it shatters and breaks. I want you to preserve that radiant heart of yours.”

No, sending me to a secret heretic cult community would only lead to a brainwashing ending.

Forget about my heart, it would be my sanity that would be the first to go.

I decided to ditch the whole “I’m struggling” act right then and there. I’m terrified I might wake up in the Distorted One’s base camp at this rate!

“Um, Bishop Andrea, your words have given me newfound courage,” I said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. “ I think I can try a bit more…”

Andrea’s kind expression never wavered. “You don’t need to overexert yourself, Fabio. Even without your help, I can still kill Athanas.”