Rise of the OtherGod Apostle: Not a Cult Leader, but a Serf?!

#036Reader Mode

T/N: Some polishing done on Fabio’s conversation with Tartar Sauce Apostle. Previous chapters have been updated with the new changes.

#036

“I’m sorry. That was a mistake.”

“Please, let go of my hand.”

What should I do now?

The moment Tertius let go, he was worried that Fabio might seize the opportunity to flee. But continuing to hold him would only fan the flames of his fear.

How do I make this right…

Their eyes met. Fabio’s light brown eyes darkened with shock and a sense of betrayal. It hit Tertius then – he’d really messed up. Again.

I was subconsciously trying to use Oblivion…

Even though he knew Fabio couldn’t receive it, Tertius had still instinctively attempted to force this blessing upon him just to erase his own mistake.

Was I always such a crude and thoughtless person?

Embarrassment stung Tertius, but he knew making excuses for a wrongdoing was the most irresponsible and vile thing one could do. It was why he resisted the temptation to defend himself and cautiously asked,

“…Did you feel something unusual just now?”

“Pardon?”

“Could you tell what I was trying to do?”

As soon as those words slipped out, Tertius wanted to swallow them back.

What am I even saying…

At this point, voicing such questions would only confirm that he was trying to do something suspicious.

The more I say, the worse the situation gets.

Tertius was a mess, unsure how to salvage the situation.

Fabio simply lowered his head, avoiding Tertius’s gaze.

“…I guess divine power and I just don’t get along well.”

Resentment and anger colored Fabio’s emotions.

Fabio was trembling, his teeth nipping at his lower lip.

“Thank you… for helping me realize that.”

If Adna could see emotions, would she have felt like this?

Each word he said seemed to only deepen the misunderstanding, and it was agonizing. Was it always this painful?

“…This is driving me insane.”

Frustration made him blurt out those words, immediately regretting it as he saw Fabio’s emotions spiral.

Maybe letting him go would be kinder, if that’s what he wanted.

Perhaps the fear of being pursued is less intimidating than the terror of being caught by me.

Contemplating summoning the Saint, Tertius saw Fabio’s knees suddenly give way.

“Be careful!”

Instinctively, Tertius caught Fabio’s arm, holding him up.

Is he so terrified that he can’t even stand?

But isn’t it more frightening for him, being supported by the person he fears?

Tertius’s mind was in turmoil.

“A-Apostle?”

“Are you alright? No wait – that was a stupid question.”

“No, I’m…”

“We need to get a healing priest in here immediately…”

“What?”

As Fabio’s emotions darkened to pitch black, Tertius gritted his teeth in frustration.

“…Damn.”

Closing his eyes, Tertius recalled the Saint mentioning Fabio’s deep-seated fear of healing priests.

Why do I keep messing up in the worst way possible?

Suddenly, Adna’s words resurfaced from a memory.

[I’ve thought about it, and your biggest problem is that you hate to admit when you’re wrong.]

Damn it, she was right.

In his right mind, Tertius wouldn’t have acted so out of character. His recent string of hasty decisions, driven by a desire to fix things, had only worsened the situation.

This time, he chose his words more cautiously.

“Fabio.”

“…Yes?”

I need to be completely open with him, and if he’s still scared of me after that, I’ll just have to accept it.

“I can see how others are feeling.”

Adna’s probably going to tease me about this forever, though she wouldn’t mean any harm by it…

Tertius could already imagine what Adna might say.

<Today, I’m sure of it. You have no right to tell me I can’t communicate properly. I may have been blind for a long time, making it difficult for me to read people’s expressions, but you have no such excuse. Honestly, with your talent to see emotions as colors yet still misunderstand the situation, you might be worse at understanding people than me. If you think I’m wrong, go ahead, tell me.>

…It’s infuriating how well I can imagine this.

“So, while I might not know exactly what you’re thinking, I can at least pick up on your emotions.”

I need to stop fixating on Adna’s potential taunts before I do something dumb out of sheer frustration…

It baffled Tertius why things had escalated to this point.

Being able to perceive emotions had always been a shortcut to gaining people’s trust…

“Is there any way… I can make sure you’re really understanding what I’m saying and feeling?”

Tertius realized, as he spoke these words, that he was exceptionally bad at letting go of things.

…I must brace myself for the possibility that he might hate me.

But for some reason, the idea of being detested by Fabio felt unbearable.

“If only I had the Blessing of Resonance… I’d be able to share my feelings directly.”

After voicing this regret, Tertius grew anxious, fearing yet another misstep. He cautiously asked Fabio,

“…What are you thinking about?”

“Me? Oh, not a thing! Absolutely nothing disrespectful, not in the slightest!”

“…I promise I won’t be angry, no matter what you say. Really, just tell me what’s on your mind.”

“Honestly…well, that’s…”

“I swear on Roklem. No matter what you reveal, I won’t harm you, directly or indirectly.”

As Tertius made this solemn vow, a halo formed behind him, binding the oath into his body.

But to Fabio, who couldn’t see these sacred vows, these words likely held little weight.

Tertius felt an inexplicable pull to gain Fabio’s trust.

“If I break this oath, I will no longer be fit to serve as an Apostle.”

“What?”

Adna’s most common critique – You rush into things without fully thinking them through – echoed in Tertius’s mind, but he pushed it away.

Hopefully explaining everything will help untangle this mess.

“I….”

“Yes?”

“I’m scared of you, Apostle.”

“I see.”

“When I didn’t know you could see emotions, I was just simply frightened… but now, I feel extremely uneasy and resentful.”

“…….”

Tertius was hit with a double blow of shock.

First, by the sting of hearing such blunt and harsh words for the first time…

And then, at himself, for not anticipating such honesty.

Right, I asked him to be truthful.

He never asked Fabio to not be afraid.

I should’ve been ready to hear words drenched in fear.

In that instant, Tertius realized he had secretly hoped Fabio would confess he wasn’t afraid anymore, understanding his true intentions. The disappointment in himself was crushing.

But does knowing someone’s true intentions always bring comfort?

He often wondered this while watching Adna…

“…I’m sorry.”

Now, I have no right to argue if Adna accuses me of being just like her.

“Why do you accept what I’m saying now?”

“…What?”

“When I said I was okay earlier, you pressured me to be truthful. But you instantly believe I’m scared of you?”

“Well…”

Because your emotions give you away.

“Is it because you can see the fear in my emotions? So, when I say I’m fine, it’s a lie, but when I say you scare me, it’s true?”

Fabio’s pointed words threw Tertius into deeper turmoil.

But is that really so?

“Do you believe that words aligned with emotions are always true, and those that aren’t, false?”

Fabio slowly stood up, brushing off his clothes.

Watching him, Tertius noticed a subtle change – Fabio’s emotions were now clouded with less negativity.

“Where do you think a person’s truth really lies? In their fleeting emotions or their deeper convictions?”

“That’s…”

“Imagine someone with a severe skin disease. Your instinctive reaction is disgust, but you know showing it would be hurtful. You believe it’s unfair to judge someone for an illness, so you suppress your revulsion and treat them kindly. Does that mean their true intention is disgust?”

But isn’t that initial disgust still real?

“Or what if someone feels green with envy over another’s success, but they swallow that bitterness and offer congratulations? Is that just a hollow gesture? Should they admit their envy, even if it eats them up inside? Even if they truly wish they could feel happy for the other person?”

That envy is genuine…right?

“Would you call the first person a hypocrite and the second a jealous wretch? Is that fair?”

Could it be…that the truth is more complex?

Tertius’s mind was spinning. He had always believed that seeing emotions meant fully understanding a person. But for the first time, he was beginning to doubt that belief.

Have I been wrong all this time?

How significant, then, were the mistakes he had made in the past?

What true understanding had he really achieved with his ability…

“Isn’t it our ability to control those raw emotions with reason that brings us closer to who we truly are?”

As Fabio stepped closer, his emotions were a tangled mess of desperation and fear. But Tertius was at a loss for what this desperation meant.

Confused, and afraid of making more mistakes, Tertius instinctively backed away.

I should keep my distance, considering his fear of me.

“Apostle, I despise myself for fearing a representative of the Lord.”

Tertius froze as Fabio reached out, clasping his arm.

“I don’t want to feel this fear. I don’t want to be this strange outlier you can’t understand because I’m outside of the Order.”

…Is he asking me not to avoid him?

“That’s why I kept insisting I was okay. Because I desperately want to be fine, to be someone better.”

Despite his fear…

“Can’t you just take my word for it, even if it contradicts what I’m feeling? Trust that I’m striving to be sincere?”

If his desperation is this intense because he wishes to overcome his fear…

Is this his way of pleading not to be hated?

“I like you, Apostle. I’m not scared, and actually, I feel safer when you’re around.”

…That’s not true.

Tertius knew it immediately.

His eyes, finely tuned to discerning truth from lies, recognized the fabrication in those words.

But…

“If my words don’t sound genuine right now…could you please just give it some time? Until they become sincere?”

If these words mirror his true feelings more closely.

The moment that idea settled in, Tertius confronted the possibility that his own judgments might be flawed.

His gift of seeing emotions might not be the infallible guide of truth he thought it was.

From now on, every choice he made would be shadowed by uncertainty.

And yet…

“See? I’m already doing a bit better, aren’t I? Or are my emotions still an unpleasant color?”

What was this feeling that he couldn’t dismiss as simply deceit or manipulation?

Annoyingly, Adna’s words found their way into his thoughts at that moment.

An overpowering, all-consuming emotion that shakes the very foundations of one’s beliefs….

…I never wanted to understand why Adna said such nonsense.

“You are…”

“Yes?”

To calm his swirling emotions, Tertius covered his eyes with his hand.

“No, it’s nothing.”

What exactly did I say to the Saint about Adna earlier?

Tertius remembered how he had described Adna’s sudden, crazy love as intense and completely abnormal – willing to lay down her life for someone she hardly knew…

This… can’t be normal.

Tertius was convinced that Fabio hadn’t used any divine means to influence his mind or soul.

It shouldn’t be possible for him to sway the soul of an Apostle, someone who has a divine connection to the Lord in the first place.

Then, this emotion he is currently experiencing…

Is purely my own?

“Apostle?”

“…Sigh.”

This is driving me crazy.

And as he thought This is driving me crazy, he imagined Adna scolding him, “That expression is not right for this situation. By your own standards, you’re already completely insane,” which only made him feel even crazier.

Someone, please get Adna out of my head.