Rise of the OtherGod Apostle: Not a Cult Leader, but a Serf?!

#032Reader Mode

#032

From her earliest years, Adna carried the heavy burden of severe burns that left her face disfigured, a traumatic period she has no memory of.

Robbed of her sight, her eyes faded into a ghostly white, while her skin wept a ceaseless stream of pus.

Whenever someone dared to ask, “Does it hurt? Can you bear it?” Adna’s response was always a resolute, “No, it doesn’t.”

But it wasn’t until her fifteenth year, among the charred remains of the [God of Frozen Winter]’s altar, that she realized the truth.

I’ve been in agony all along.

Running her fingers over her now smooth, painless face, she came to a sudden understanding.

I was numb to my suffering because pain was all I ever knew…

She used to dismiss those pity-filled glances, assuming they stemmed from ignorance. She never saw her life as pitiful. Why should they?

But now, seeing a child suffering as I once did, I see their life through lenses of pity and sorrow.

It was an unexpected shift in perspective.

What she had once simply considered ‘childhood’ had, in an instant, transformed into ‘an incredibly miserable childhood.’

She had never known what she was missing, and so, the girl she was, blind to her own misfortune, felt like a distant shadow.

Staring into the mirror, Adna mused,

Even if I lose my sight again, even if my flesh dissolves again, I could never go back to the person I once was.

Once someone has experienced light, even just once, its absence will forever be perceived as darkness.

For Adna, the Order was her beacon of light.

A life without the Order was now an unfathomable, harrowing void.

Having regained her face, she finally grasped the horror of living without one.

She savored a newfound life free of agony, understanding the depth of her previous torment.

But this revelation didn’t mean acceptance by her fellow Order members.

The Blessing of Healing had miraculously brought back her skin and eyes, but not the instinct for facial expressions she never had.

Even the simplest of actions, like blinking, were foreign endeavors that demanded her full attention.

This unnaturalness unsettled those around her.

Why does everyone hate my face?

Adna studied her reflection, searching for clues. But the more she gazed, the more confused she became.

Ultimately, she found herself hating her face just as much as everyone else did.

Later, after Tertius, who had learned of Adna’s past, enlightened her about expressions and the true reason for others’ unease, Adna finally grasped the situation. Yet, despite her newfound understanding, she found herself powerless to change her predicament.

Forcing expressions just makes people more uneasy.

Adna’s attempts at facial expressions were awkward, a second too late, and visibly strained, only brought more revulsion in others.

One day, after numerous failed attempts, a thought crossed her mind,

If I had grown up in the Order, baptized since infancy…

Perhaps even with her horrific burns, she might have been healed more quickly.

Could she have become someone who expressed emotions naturally?

She knew these thoughts were pointless.

There’s no point in worrying about something I can’t change.

It would be unreasonable, even blasphemous, to resent the Church of Order for not rescuing her sooner when she was, ultimately, saved.

So, Adna accepted her reality.

The reality of being unable to express emotions through her face.

And that this inability made those around her uneasy.

Let’s focus on what I can do.

Luckily, Adna was gifted.

It was this talent that elevated her to an Apostle.

As an Apostle, she cared less about her lack of facial expressions.

Because Apostles of the Order are universally admired.

It is a truth and the law decreed by Lord Roklem that Apostles are beautiful.

Even with her expressionless face, even if she forgot to blink, even if her expressions were late or awkward, she was still seen as beautiful.

But with Fabio, unaffected by the law of Apostles, she became self-conscious about her face for the first time in ages.

…Should I call for another Apostle right now?

Years had shown her that without the Apostle’s aura, her presence was discomforting.

And what if that person has a constitution that makes it impossible for them to even receive divine power?

There’s nothing I can do to compensate for it.

Even the Blessing of Comfort from the Saint didn’t work, leaving Adna with no way to ease his discomfort.

He seemed somewhat fond of the Saint’s appearance, though…

She observed Fabio following her, stealing glances at him.

I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

He seemed lost in thought, his face cycling through various expressions, but Adna couldn’t decipher them.

Adna couldn’t make facial expressions, nor could she read them in others.

If she were with the Saint, who could see emotions as colors, or the sixth Apostle, she could have asked for their telepathic insight…

Well, at least I can recognize when someone is crying.

She noticed Fabio tended to cry easily when scared.

If he’s repulsed by my face… he might cry.

So with this in mind, Adna resolved to complete her assigned task as quickly as possible.

Little did she know how much this short encounter with Fabio would change her life.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

“Well, since I’ve been blessed by a Being outside of the Order and can’t even perceive divine power, I can’t really tell what others see when they look at you, Apostle Adna…”

…What do they see?

They see the Apostle in me.

An Apostle is perceived as a beautiful being.

But that doesn’t mean Adna herself is beautiful.

If someone else were the fifth Apostle, they’d get the same reaction.

But the one who saw Adna, not the Apostle, said:

“To me, Adna, you appear… radiantly beautiful.”

Beautiful? Me?

That can’t be true.

“You don’t find me… unpleasant?”

“Unpleasant? Quite the opposite, I actually envy you!”

“Envy me?”

“Yes. No matter how challenging or intimidating the situation, Apostle Adna, you remain unaffected!”

Isn’t that just saying I can’t share my pain with anyone?

How could that be considered a good thing?

“Who wouldn’t admire someone who remains a pillar of strength in the darkest, most desperate times?”

Adna was puzzled by Fabio’s admiring gaze. Wouldn’t he feel hopeless in such situations? Yet, he wanted to be strong for others, even then?

How is that possible?

Was he just flattering her?

No, I must remember that he’s lived countless lives without ever hurting anyone.

Even if the current Fabio wasn’t aware of his past lives, their impact lingered.

Adna felt an unfamiliar tightness in her chest, something she hadn’t felt even around Saints or high-ranking clergy. They were powerful and virtuous. Traits that would earn them Roklem’s favor. But the entity watching over Fabio…

“…People like you shouldn’t chase illustrious dreams; be content with what you were born into.”

Adna had no choice but to warn him like this.

If he ever learned that the Being watching over him harbored unfathomable malice, taking pleasure in breaking and reshaping him repeatedly, he’d undoubtedly be consumed by despair and fear.

And that would please that evil being…

So, Adna held back the true reason behind her warning.

She realized her advice might not be taken to heart. He could be deeply wounded by her words, but isn’t it better for him to resent one person than to harbor hatred against the world, the universe, or even God?

You shouldn’t cling to hope, no matter how small.

Adna was set on firmly advising Fabio to let go of all his dreams. But her heart softened seeing Fabio, who shyly started to share his thoughts.

“I just want to help more people…”

…Suddenly, Adna remembered what the Saint had telepathically conveyed when they first met Fabio.

[How can such a pure and beautiful soul exist?]

To Adna, this meant, He’s a pitiful yet remarkable soul.

“If only I could fend off wild beasts from my fields!”

…How?

“If I were stronger, I could cultivate more land….!”

How could someone be this…

Beautiful. Adna found herself unable to scold such an adorable, sorrowful soul.

Instead, she heard herself say something foolish.

“Even… being weak serves a purpose.”

“Is-is that so?”

“Without something to safeguard, a guardian cannot be called a guardian. So, even your weakness has its place.”

No, what I mean is, guardians exist to protect someone like you.

After saying this, Adna felt something was off, but she struggled to articulate her thoughts better.

You… You’re perfect as you are. Don’t feel pressured to change.

“So then, stop trying to change yourself.”

Hearing this, Fabio hesitated, swallowing hard.

This… In the end, is no different from threatening him.

With her typically emotionless face, people often mistook her as stern or angry. From Fabio’s point of view, her words might have seemed daunting.

I guess I’m used to being hated…

Just as Adna was coming to terms with this thought, Fabio’s face lit up with a smile.

“Apostle Adna, you’re… incredibly kind.”

Adna was taken aback, hardly believing what she heard.

What?

“You’re worried that I might end up disheartened chasing an impossible dream, right? That’s what you mean when you tell me not to pursue something beyond my reach.”

…How did he…?

“Evil forces… they exploit the cracks within our hearts, worming their way inside. Chasing dreams beyond reach, as you’ve said, could end in misfortune, not just for me but also for those around me.”

How can he still think of others, even after hearing words like that? Adna wondered, struck by the depth of Fabio’s selflessness and insight.

“You’re cautioning me against lofty dreams to spare me from the disappointment that might follow, aren’t you?…”

Don’t you feel any bitterness? Don’t you resent those who couldn’t save you sooner?

“You’re saying that there’s virtue in being weak, that I should accept myself as I am…”

How can you be grateful even in such miserable moments?

“I always believed I needed to be strong and independent, so I’m not a burden to those around me…”

How can one be so…

How can such a cruel being be attached to him?

It’s beyond understanding.

They say Beings from beyond the stars are unfathomable, but…

“If the Apostle herself suggests I stay the same, then so be it!”

In this moment, Adna found something she could understand.

“She did say she likes me this way, after all.”

…I understand why this entity is so fixated on one soul.

With the power to do anything, yet it chooses to obsess over watching one person across over 1,400 lifetimes.

You… you’re so captivating, I can’t stop watching you.

A brilliance so intense and overwhelming, it can warp your perception with just one glance.

To someone unaware of the darkness, who doesn’t find it suffocating, telling them they’ve been engulfed by it is both incredibly kind and terrifying.

Adna’s thoughts drifted back to when she was baptized into the Order.

That was the moment she realized she could never go back to a world without the Order.

It was when she understood how pitiful her past self was.

While this moment echoed that experience, it was also distinctly different.

I… I was really a fool, a wretched soul before meeting you.

For some reason, Adna felt a surge of emotion, an urge to cry, even though no tears would come.

She never expected to be understood.

She thought the kindness she received was for the Apostle, not her.

Fearing abandonment, she yearned for acceptance, masking her desperation as devotion, as a way to repay the Lord’s grace.

Even after baptism, I was still that helpless, miserable child.

In her refusal to acknowledge her past, Adna had cut herself off from her former self.

She saw her old self as someone else, viewing her with a mixture of scorn and sympathy, as if that would somehow transform her.

But then came Fabio…

He showed me how to reach out and embrace that child I once was, the one I had even started to hate.

She had convinced herself that her past suffering was deserved.

Because she was ugly, incompetent, and not a part of the Order.

Even though Adna was determined never to return to her old self, she secretly feared that her blessings might have been mistakenly bestowed upon her.

But the moment she recognized that this wonderful person deserved love without conditions, the neglected child inside her woke up.

…If only our paths had crossed a little sooner.

She wouldn’t have despised herself.

She would have realized that, despite her misery and pitiful state, she was still deserving of love.

There were people who wouldn’t be disgusted by her appearance; she could be accepted.

And yet…

This recent encounter had redefined her entire past.

Her ‘incredibly miserable childhood became the ‘time before I met you’.

“Apostle Adna?”

…Previously, Adna’s faith in the Lord was intertwined with fear.

Now, there was no trace of fear.

She was overwhelmed by a surge of pure joy.

My divine power is swelling up…

In that moment, Adna felt the Lord acknowledging her emotions.

“…Please let go of my hand for now.”

She needed to share this joy; it was too much to keep inside.

T/N: Our icy beauty Adna is so pitful…( ;´ – `;)