Reborn as a Prophet in a Horror Movie
#086
T/N: Happy Juneteenth! Surprise chapter today! Yippeee~ (/≧▽≦)/
#086
The TV screen was completely dark, with the exception of a faint hum of static in the background – the only sign that it was even turned on.
Then, out of nowhere, a burst of laughter shattered the silence. It was a young man’s carefree chuckle. The screen flickered to life, and the camera, which had been fixed on a red carpet, suddenly whipped around to zoom in on the guy’s face, filling the entire screen.
His face was shaped like a gourd, with a wild tangle of curly brown hair that looked like it was spilling off the edges of the screen. Behind a pair of square glasses, his deep-set blue eyes, framed by double eyelids, blinked slowly.
“Hey there friends! I’m Joseph from the Joseph Channel. Great to see you all again today. Can you believe the weather? It’s pouring buckets out there. Can you hear that rain?”
As Joseph rattled on, his pimple-scarred cheeks quivered with every word. He turned his head, and the camera caught a horrifying close-up of his chin and nostrils. But he didn’t miss a beat, keeping on talking and glancing off to the side without ever breaking character.
Just as Seojun had suspected, this movie was one of those mockumentary-style deals. Joseph, the main guy, played the part of a bumbling yet cunning amateur broadcaster to perfection. Even the cringe-worthy moments felt pretty real… Seojun couldn’t believe how talented the acting was, especially considering he’d started watching the movie on a whim.
Seojun let out a low whistle of admiration and tapped his forehead with a walnut, impressed. Joseph turned back to face the camera, his intense gaze piercing right through the screen as he chuckled to himself.
“So, I’ve got a buddy who’s… no, that’s a surprise for later. Let’s just say I got a tip that they’re throwing a surprise party here, and yours truly, Joseph, needs to get the scoop before it goes down. That’s why I’m rolling with this camcorder, capturing everything for you guys back at the Joseph Channel!”
The camera jerked around again, and suddenly a door came into focus. The door plate read 999.
“Huh?”
Seojun’s hand froze, his peanuts teetering on top of his potato chip stack, as the familiar number flashed on the screen. But Joseph didn’t pause for a second, keeping the show rolling.
“Okay, time for a real-life situation: surprising a friend who’s planning a surprise party, all caught on hidden camera! My buddy’s not off the clock yet, so let’s sneak in, check out some hiding spots, and capture the whole process from start to finish. I want to see just how sneaky my friend can be. Let’s do this!”
Joseph’s cheerful voice filled the room as he turned the doorknob. Suddenly, Seojun’s peanut dropped with a soft thud onto the plush blanket.
“What’s this?” Joseph exclaimed, picking it up. The camera zoomed in for a close-up, and Seojun’s eyes widened as he saw the familiar string of letters on the screen. His head instinctively swiveled to the right, but the paper he’d carelessly tossed near the entrance was now hidden behind the wall, out of sight.
“Check it out – the Decoy Motel welcome sheet! ‘Please take a moment to familiarize yourself with our guidelines…’ Oh man, this is straight out of a creepy pasta story. It’s like they’re warning us about something.”
Joseph’s voice was practically bursting with excitement, like he’d stumbled upon a conspiracy theory.
“Man, this is gonna be a sick prank. Whoops, don’t want to get on Lucile’s bad side again, though. Hey, guys! You remember that video I posted about ghost hunting in a tunnel regarding that hit-and-run victim? Some subscriber in the comments started going on about having six wings. You get all kinds of weirdos online.”
The camera spun around, landing on Joseph’s grinning face. He gave a cheesy smile, and the camera tilted slightly to the left.
“Alright, friends! Today I’m giving you a VIP tour of Room 999. When it comes to setting up hidden cameras, you gotta find the perfect hiding spot. Business as usual.”
Joseph, who looked like a righty, knocked on the door with his left hand.
“Bathroom’s on the left. I’ll check that out later. But first, I’ve gotta scope out this room. This warning sheet is giving me the heebie-jeebies though! Whoa, this room is way nicer than I expected. It’s basically a honeymoon suite – TV, fridge, bed… plenty of space for two to come in and three to, ahem, come out, if you know what I mean. Haha!”
Joseph walked forward, cracking lame jokes that fell flat. Seojun’s shoulders tensed up, and a weird sense of unease crept over him…like he might somehow materialize on the TV screen himself. But instead, the camera showed a tidy room with a made bed, a closed window, and a dark TV screen obviously.
“Not exactly a treasure trove of hiding spots in here.”
“Ugh…”
Seojun let out a frustrated groan, overlapping with Joseph’s commentary. It was obvious that Joseph didn’t need to narrate the room’s layout – Seojun was sitting in the exact same Room 999 he was seeing on the TV. Logically, it made sense that they’d filmed this “Real Life Situation” movie here. But his instincts, honed from years of survival, whispered a warning in his ear.
Something’s off… This can’t be right…
“The fridge is a no-go. Unless I’m contortionist of the year or torn in half, I’m not fitting in there. Ah, under the bed. The classic hiding spot.”
The camera suddenly swooped under the bed, and for some reason, Seojun’s butt tensed up.
“Ugh, my head’s stuck… and I’d have to breathe in a cloud of dust just to try and squeeze in there. Do they ever vacuum this place? Oh, and that reminds me – there’s this weird rumor about this motel. Apparently, a cleaner just vanished one day. But hey, you guys know who I am, right? I’m Joseph, the master of debunking urban legends!”
Joseph’s cheerful face filled the camera again as he pushed his glasses up with his index finger.
“But here’s the thing… the truth is always way more boring than the rumors. I did some digging, and it turns out the cleaner just retired on the same day. Of course they ‘disappeared’! Who wouldn’t want to bail on a job they just quit?”
The self-proclaimed urban legend hunter wouldn’t shut up, yapping away as he explored the underwhelming Room 999.
“Finally, the bathroom! Oh, looks like the rule about the busted door is true. You’d think they’d get around to fixing this stuff in a timely manner.”
Joseph yanked on the bathroom doorknob, and it rattled loudly, refusing to close completely. Either the frame was warped or the hinge screws were loose, but Joseph didn’t seem too bothered. He bounced back into the room with a spring in his step, and the camera shook wildly with each hop, making Seojun feel queasy.
“Okay, let’s get our think on and find more hiding spots. If I were live-streaming this, I’d be getting all sorts of suggestions from you guys. What a shame, right?”
Joseph mumbled to himself as he fiddled with the coffee pot with his left hand.
“Since we’re already here, might as well make the most of the room before my friend shows up. How about a cup of coffee to kill the time? And while we’re at it, let’s give that motel guide a once-over.”
Seojun’s gaze drifted to the coffee pot in his own room, its dark shape squatting beside the TV. It made sense for the electrical appliances to be clustered around the outlet, but an uneasy feeling had taken up residence in his gut. Joseph, still chuckling to himself, ambled over to the fridge. Seojun kept his eyes fixed straight ahead, deliberately avoiding the right side of the room.
“Well, well, well. I’d be crazy to turn down an offer to help myself to whatever’s in the fridge, right?”
The scene unfolded smoothly: Joseph grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, unscrewed the cap, and poured the water into the coffee pot.
“Seriously, ‘don’t cause a disturbance’? That’s a painful request for a charismatic performer like yours truly. And ‘don’t stick your head out the window’? Come on, it’s not like we’re on the 50th floor or something. The person who wrote this must be terrified of heights. But hey, I do appreciate the heads-up about the hot and cold water indicators being switched on the sink. That’s actually kinda handy.”
Joseph placed the camera on top of the VCR, fiddled with it for a sec, and then plopped down on the floor, cross-legged. He began reading through the guidelines, his expression a mix of amusement and skepticism.
“‘Don’t throw random stuff down the toilet’, ‘don’t hang heavy objects from the shower hose’, ‘don’t lift the carpet’… You know guys, do you have that one friend who’s always stating the obvious with a straight face? Like, ‘don’t breathe underwater’ or ‘don’t eat glass’? If so, they’d probably get along famously with the genius who wrote these guidelines.”
The atmosphere was peaceful, with only Joseph’s voice mocking the warnings in the guidelines, no creepy scenes in sight. But just being in the same location as the movie was enough to make Seojun’s mouth go dry and his heart race like crazy.
Was his natural cowardice kicking in? He suddenly felt a wave of self-doubt, wondering if he was really as brave as he thought. As if sensing Seojun’s rapidly growing unease, Joseph suddenly jumped up from his spot and let out a loud yelp.
“Ah!”
The TV screen was filled with Joseph’s bright red face, steam rising from his damp forearm. A small puddle had formed at his feet, but the carpet quickly soaked it up. It looked like he’d only had one hand free to film with, which had led to the mishap. Joseph unleashed a string of curses and acted like a total goof, making Seojun’s tension dissipate slightly.
“Oh, damn it! Hold on a sec, everyone!”
Joseph’s legs darted towards the bathroom, filling the screen. Even though his face wasn’t in view, it was easy to imagine his pained expression.
Looks like he accidentally spilled an entire pot of boiling water all over his arm…
Just as Joseph was rushing off, he came to an abrupt halt. The camera whipped around, zooming in on the guidelines next to the coffee pot.
“Wait a minute… The guidelines! Ah, damn it, this is exactly what they’re for. Alright friends, let’s give these guidelines a close read and follow the rules to the letter.”
The character Joseph in ‘Real Life Situation!’ had a clear-cut schtick. Even with his arm turning bright red, he didn’t forget to play up the drama for the camera. Satisfied that he’d gotten enough footage, Joseph finally made his way back to the bathroom to tend to his injury.
The bathroom was a simple setup, with the shower stall tucked away in the back behind a waterproof curtain. To the left of the door, the toilet and sink were lined up neat and tidy. Joseph wrapped his fingers around the sink’s faucet, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.
“Okay, so the rule is that the hot and cold water are switched, which means if I turn on the hot water, I should get cold instead.”
He twisted the faucet in the direction marked with a red dot, and water came pouring out. Joseph kept filming, but it was clear he was in agony as he hastily shoved his forearm under the running water. Then, a blood-curdling scream echoed off the bathroom tiles.
“Aaaah! Aaaah! It’s hot! Oh my god, it’s hot!”
The water pouring from the sink was steamy hot, the white vapor blurring the screen. Joseph muttered curses under his breath as he yanked the faucet in the opposite direction to turn on the cold water. But it was too late – his arm was already showing a nasty burn. Joseph’s bright red face suddenly filled the camera frame, his eyes wide with shock.
“I’m gonna have to call in a complaint about this dump. This is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous motel I’ve ever had the displeasure of stepping foot in!”
Joseph snatched a towel from the bathroom, dunked it in water, wrung it out with a loud splash, and wrapped it around his arm, saying,
“Luckily, I’ve got all this on tape. This footage is gonna be gold when I take them to court and drag their reputation through the mud…”